Nonstop Drama: Men, Women and Money
Are you a money hoarder or a money spender? If you’re married, the general assumption is that you’re married to the opposite. So, if you’re a hoarder, you probably married a spender.
Why? Because more and more studies show that money is much more a part of your relationship than you actually believe. Psychotherapists are now calling money the number one problem in relationships, even over sex.
You may be reading this, saying to yourself “My partner and I both overspend” or “my partner and I both save money.”
However, when it gets down to it, studies show that if a two people in a relationship is one or the other, one of the partners will learn how to be the opposite. For example, if you are an over spender, your partner may learn to become a hoarder, because someone has to save money for the two of you.
As I stated before, money is much more a part of your relationship than you probably know or are willing to believe. This is because money issues don’t always come out as a problem in your relationship. The money issue may be masked as something else, like your house renovations, for example. The topic is not money per say, but the topic is about what your money represents.
Another problem with money in relationships is that there are several gender differences. For example, most men will buy clothing and wear it until it’s torn up so bad that it may as well be used for a rag, while women will buy a new shirt once a week, just because they like it.
I can think of several times that I have been looking for something to wear and found an item of clothing that I bought and never wore, hanging in my closet with the tags still attached. So, I’m living proof that this gender difference does exist. There’s another gender difference that has a direct effect on your relationship with money.
Most men are raised to think that the world is a win or lose game. In everything men do, there is always a winner, always a loser. So, men don’t’ see themselves as part of a team when they are in a relationship, while women on the other hand, can easily be offended for not being consulted on a big purchase. On top of this, one psychotherapist notes that men seem to believe that money equals power, and power equals respect. The psychotherapist goes on to say that “power and control are not compatible with intimacy. Relationships succeed in money matters only when both partners are willing to display their vulnerabilities to each other.”
I believe that there are many other differences between men, women, and the role of money in our relationships; however I think it’s important that we always go back to the basics. Remember that although you feel one way, your spouse may feel another way. Always take your spouse’s feelings about money into consideration when making decisions that involve money. If your spouse is not one to talk about money, ask them leading questions to get the conversation started. The more you talk to one another, the more you know, and the more you know, the better you can equip yourself to deal with money problems in your relationship.